oh, there you are, i've been looking for you
by mshepburning
Summary: "Don't push me away. Don't let whatever that has happened in your past come between us. I really do want you, all of you."


**AN**: Hello, dears :) This is my (very, very late) birthday present to Nathzy, but I hope you all enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it. I have to thank Audrey Hepburn, Friends and Old Hollywood movies for the inspiration, and Isa, Shelly, Ava and Cynthia for the support. Happy reading!

**xx **

"Rachel?" Santana whispers in the dark and silent room, trying to awake her best friend. "Rachel, wake up!"

Rachel stirs in her sleep, mumbling something Santana can't understand, remaining asleep.

"Rachel, wake up!" Santana says loudly, poking Rachel's shoulders.

"What? Santana, what could you possibly want when it's" she stops speaking, staring at the clock on her nightstand, "4:10 in the morning? We still have like three hours of sleep before waking up!"

"My water just broke."

**xx**

"What happened to the cabs of this city? Are they magically gone when we need them the most?" Rachel says throwing her arms up as they try desperately to hail a taxi in order to get to the hospital.

"I hope we can get there soon, or else I'll have my baby girl on a fucking sidewalk!"

Rachel holds Santana's bags with one of her hands, reaching for her friend and putting her left arm around her waist, squeezing her gently. "Do not say that!" They both share a smile. "Okay, baby, how far apart are your contractions?"

"Around 15 minutes, and they don't hurt so badly for now." She answers, putting one of her hands on top of Rachel's and the other one on her huge belly.

"That's good, but we should go before the situation changes, right? I want my best friend to suffer the least she possibly can and I want my goddaughter to be here as soon as possible, too."

And right when Santana was going to say something, she is stopped by a very sweet and yet masculine voice filling the air.

"Rachel? Rachel Berry?"

As she hears her name, Rachel drifts her attention away from Santana and meets a face that's made of freckles and dimples and amber eyes. It doesn't sound like a face she could forget right? Well, she does remember his face and she would totally remember his name too if she hadn't such a bad memory.

"Yes?" She answers, smiling knowingly at him, trying her best not to sound impolite.

"I'm guessing you don't remember me." He smiles again and since when does she have a thing for dimples?

"I'm sorry, your face is terribly familiar, but I'm awful with names."

"The name is Finn, Finn Hudson. We met at that Christmas party a couple of years ago." _Finn_ says getting one of his hands out of his pocket and holding it out to shake her own.

Rachel takes his hand, smiling politely at him. "Hello, Finn. It's nice to meet you again. Great memory you have there, by the way." She doesn't know why she started to sound kind of flirty.

"Only for things that are worth remembering of."

She knows she blushes because it's like she actually feels her cheeks burning and she knows she should say something instead of just giggling like a fifteen year old girl, but Santana cuts their conversation before she even gets the chance of coming up with some awkward sentence.

"Well, I don't mean to sound rude at all, however my baby girl wants to come out of my vagina, so you both stay here flirting like two cats in heat and I'll go to the hospital so I can have my baby."

Rachel's eyes widens at the sound of her best friend's voice because for a second – and maybe a lot longer than just a second – she totally forgot why she was standing on this sidewalk in the first place.

"San, I'm sorry!" She says taking a step back and holding Santana's hand. "Finn, it was lovely to meet you, but we should go."

"You mean, we should get a cab so we can go."

Finn frowns and the fact that he doesn't understand a thing that's going on here gets pretty evident. "Do you need a ride or something?"

"No!"

"Yes!"

"Santana!"

"What? I need to get to the hospital and he seems rather nice and clearly there is some serious sexual tension going on between you too. So here's what's going to happen. He'll take us to the hospital and then, while I am pushing and screaming and feeling like I'm going to be ripped open, you get to exchange numbers and get laid."

Rachel expected Finn to literally just walk out and leave them, but quite the contrary. He has his hands shoved inside his pockets and he's shrugging, like he's somehow agreeing with Santana. A part of her really wants to give in and accept the ride because she wouldn't mind staying in his company for a longer time, but another part of her – the lucid one, that happens to be the part she always tend to listen – is screaming how irresponsible and inconvenient this would be.

"Finn, I'm really thankful, but I don't want to bother you and –"

"_Madre de Dios, no puedo más_. Rachel, this hurts like a motherfucker, please we must go!"

And when she looks at Finn, he's already walking towards his car.

**xx**

The sun is practically about to rise when the doctor tells Santana that she's only three centimeters dilated and that this could take a little longer than she predicted.

"Are you sure that the c section really is not an option?" Rachel asks, arranging the blankets and making sure Santana is as comfortable as she could be right now.

"I am. I really want to let this happen naturally, and only when she's truly ready to come out."

"Already spoiling your little munchkin, I see."

"You know how much I wanted her." Santana replies, her dark eyes watering, hands flat on her stomach. "I couldn't have done this without you, though."

Sitting at her side on the hospital bed, Rachel takes one of Santana's hands and squeezes it. "You are my very best friend, and I couldn't be anywhere else. It's like this baby is half yours, half mine."

"Well, from what I've noticed, someone out there could easily try getting you pregnant."

She purses her lips. Of course she should have seen this coming. Such a comment like this Santana, in labor or not, would share. "Santana, there is nothing going on between Finn and I."

"Except for lots and lots of sexual tension." Santana replies in a not so quiet voice in order to provoke her friend.

"There is no such thing."

"You are blushing. _Mi amor,_ you so want him to fuck you hard until you can't walk straight!"

Standing up, Rachel reaches her hands to touch her own cheeks just to feel them burning, just like they were before. And when Santana starts saying '_wait a minute'_, she knows that she's pretty much screwed.

"Didn't he say you met at some Christmas party a couple of years ago?"

Rachel nods.

"The same party you got home from the next morning?"

Another nod.

"Holy shit, Finn was that one night stand of yours? The very best sex you've ever had?"

She didn't even bother to nod this time because it was so not necessary. "Yes, he was!" Rachel says throwing her arms up in the air. "And now I should go find him and tell him to leave, because I can't deal with this right now."

"But-"

"San, don't. I know what I'm doing. Are you going to be okay, if I leave you for a couple of minutes?"

"Yes, that medicine is really powerful. For now, at least."

Rachel gives her best friend a kiss on the forehead. "I'll be right back. And you have your phone with you, so text me if you need anything." Santana nods and smiles and when Rachel is about to open the door, she says:

"Baby, this did happen for a reason, you know... Just don't do anything you might regret one day."

**xx **

When she gets to the waiting room, Finn is drinking coffee and reading a newspaper. She doesn't know why he's still here, and she doesn't understand why the fact he stayed is doing funny things to her stomach. She continues to observe him for a bit, memories from that night appearing behind her eyes. Their skins flushed against one another, their sounds, his hands everywhere, his tongue caressing hers. She falling against his strong chest when she came, his fingers pressed against her skin. It all ending as quickly as it began. She sleeping naked on top of him, nothing between them, not even the soft sheets that were covering his bed. The sunlight on his face, she sneaking out and leaving.

"Finn?"

He immediately stands up at the sound of her voice, and she doesn't think he could be any gentler.

"Hi." And there's that smile again. "How is Santana doing?"

"Her pain is pretty much under control, but she's three centimeters dilated, so this will take a while."

"And how are you?"

She assumes he's just trying to be polite – and she won't admit how endearing she thinks his concern is. "I'm great, just a little overwhelmed, I guess. Since we were 10, Santana always wanted to become a mother, and here we are now. She doesn't have anyone besides me, and I was there for her, every step of this pregnancy. It's like she's giving birth to my child too."

Finn looks amazed and she hates that she would love to see that look on his face more times. "I don't mean to intrude, but, what about the father?"

"There is none." And she laughs when Finn frowns. "Santana used a sperm donor."

"Oh… Well, I think she's really brave to do that."

"She really is."

It's quiet for a moment, but it's not awkward quiet, it's just peaceful and calm and tranquilizing quiet.

"I should go back there and stay with her." And he knew she would say that, but he secretly wanted her to say that some time later. "Thank you for everything, I really appreciate what you've done for us, Finn."

She quickly turns around but the way her name easily falls out of his lips gets her attention.

"Don't you think we should talk?"

"Finn, it happened ages ago and it was all about two drunk and extremely horny people having sex. That's what it was, sex."

"You're right. It was sex – probably the best sex I've ever had – but it could be so much more than just that."

Rachel doesn't know why his eyes are suddenly softer and why there is a begging look in them. She doesn't know why it is so difficult for her to just let him go either. And maybe, just maybe, she thinks it's because she wanted him for so long.

"It was, it was mind blowing and amazing and breathtaking." He starts smiling and she mentally punches herself for destroying that smile with her words. "But that's it. You see, you're implying that we could be a couple but we've met two times our entire lives, both being just random coincidences."

"How can you call us meeting on a sidewalk in the middle of the night when your best friend got into labor and you simply couldn't find a cab a random coincidence?"

"What, do you want me to think it was meant to be?"

And the way his jaw narrows and he swallows nervously makes it all way more difficult.

"I want you to go on a date with me, that's what I want."

"Finn, I'm truly sorry, but this whole dating and being in a relationship thing… it's not for me."

He doesn't look devastated. He doesn't look like what guys that just got dumped would look like either. He tries his best at giving her a small smile, shoves his hands inside his pockets and nods. Tells her to take care and that he wishes the three of them – Santana, herself and_ their_ baby – the best. And then he leaves, without looking back. And she feels this enormous breath she didn't even know she was holding, escaping her body. She looks down at the floor for a moment, blinking rapidly and when she looks back at the direction he took and she can't see him anymore, she feels an ache inside of her and something that might be similar to regret. And even though she's pretty good at ignoring her own feelings – she's been for _so long_ – it seems to be utterly hard this time.

**xx **

Life goes on for Rachel as if she hasn't met Finn for a second time. It feels just like it did a few years ago after they – um, _met_ for the first time. It doesn't feel natural. She ignores how she can see his dimples even behind her closed eyes, ignores how his voice seems to whisper softly against her ear, ignores how she suddenly smiles at every memory of him. She also ignores every single one of Santana questions when it comes to this particular subject.

However, the thought that she might have made a huge mistake remains steady in the back of her mind.

**xx **

One night when she's reading – more like rereading – one of her favorite novels, glasses on the tip of her nose and a cup of tea on her nightstand, she notices her mind traveling somewhere else. And she can't help but think why did he give up so easily. _Because you asked him to back off_, is the immediate response she comes up with. And while having this conversation with herself for very meticulous 20 minutes, she admits that it was her fault, since she said they could never be more than a very – she repeats the word 'very' in her thoughts many, many times – good laid. Nevertheless, she admits to herself that she wanted him to woo her and be more persistent as well. When she's falling asleep, she decides their 'thing' took its course and they're probably better off like that.

She wakes up the next morning trying to convince herself that he thinks the same.

**xx **

It's mid May when Santana bumps into Finn at the supermarket, practically eight months after her daughter's birth. He doesn't seem to remember her right away, but her greeting makes it easier for him.

"The tall guy who fucked my best friend and drove me to the hospital when I was in labor, hello there!"

He smiles politely and Santana notices his dimples because _of course_ Rachel told her about them. "Um, hi. I don't mean to be rude, but I sort of forgot your name…"

"That's okay, for when we met I was twice my size now and you were too busy flirting with Rachel." She replies, a knowingly smile appearing on her face. "Santana Lopez. And this precious thing is Madeline." She takes her daughter out of the cart, holding her in her arms.

Finn holds her little hand in his very much bigger one. "She's really precious indeed, Santana. Hello, Madeline, I'm glad we finally had the chance to meet."

"Come on, _muñeca_. Say hello to Finn because_ madre_ knows he will be your uncle."

The baby girl immediately giggles and keeps looking at Finn and as he feels his heart getting warmer he thinks that _maybe,_ he actually will.

**xx **

"You WHAT?" Rachel yells turning on the blender without its cover and causing a banana mess in her kitchen.

"Rachel, there's fruit on your ceiling." Santana whispers as she and Madeline, who was sitting on the kitchen counter, keep looking up.

"I'll clean that later, but what did you just say?"

"We met Finn yesterday at the supermarket."

Rachel is quiet while she walks around her kitchen looking for the rest of the ingredients necessary to bake her banana bread.

"And if you're wondering and I'm pretty sure you are", Santana continues, "he did ask about you."

"I was not w-"

"Don't even try. I'm your best friend and I can see right through you."

She's quiet again, but she's nodding her head, because she's crazy if she thinks she's ever going to fool Santana.

"How – um – how is he?"

"Dreamy as ever." They both share a smile, and Rachel keeps looking at her best friend, basically pleading for her to talk. "We didn't talk much; he asked how you were and I think he assumed we live together because he said he thought about coming over to see you, and that he didn't because you basically asked him to and he didn't want to pressure you or anything like that."

"I can't blame him for that."

"Baby, why did you say those things to him at the hospital?" Santana asks carefully, running her fingers through her daughter's hair.

Rachel swallows. "You know why. He'll leave, everyone leaves."

"I didn't."

"You're not everyone."

"And maybe, neither is Finn."

**xx **

They meet for a third time on a Sunday afternoon in August. It's raining – not so much, just that delightful and delicate rain that seems to clean your soul when you're under it – and they were walking around Central Park when they spotted each other. Both of them stop, right where they are standing, like fifty feet away from one another, and she smiles because she's happy and she _misses_ him, someway or maybe in more ways than just some, and he takes that as an invitation to step closer to her, so he does, her smile growing bigger as he reaches her. They stay quiet for a moment, just staring at each other, until the silence is broken by his voice.

"Hi."

"Hi."

"_Hi_."

"You already said that." She whispers playfully looking down at her rain boots.

"Do you mind?"

"No, not really."

"Good." Finn says, and he's right because everything about this moment really does feel _good_. "Can I ask you what you're doing here in the middle of the rain?"

"I could ask you the same question, but I'll give you an answer since I'm nice. I was just walking and thinking and waking and it started raining… honestly, can you blame me for staying?"

"Point taken. It really is a beautiful place to be at, right now." And the way he's looking at her when he says these words makes her think he's not talking about the Mother Nature.

Rachel closes her eye for a second, breathing in the smell of the rain one more time. "It truly is."

Finn thinks that maybe he shouldn't say anything, but he also thinks he should. It's been like a year since their talk at the hospital and back then she didn't want anything to do with him, however, what if she changed her mind?

"Would you – um – like to go somewhere to drink a coffee with me? That is if you don't have any plans now or – or unless you'd like to stay here and get a flu or something."

She giggles and he thinks that might be his favorite sound in the whole world. "I don't drink coffee, though."

"Oh."

"I like tea better. And if this," she shakes her hand back and forth between this, "whatever this is, is going to happen, this is just the one of the many things you'll learn about me."

"Is that a yes, because I'm more than interested."

Rachel gives him a half smile but she smiles with her eyes too, he thinks. "Where's your car? I took a cab to come here."

"Of course you did."

**xx **

They get to the closest coffee house in a matter of minutes, and stay there for hours and hours. He learns that she moved to the city with Santana when they were 17 and got into college and that they have been there ever since. Then, Finn says he thought they lived together when he saw them, Rachel explained that she was only staying at Santana's apartment that weekend because they knew she was going to get into labor. They were roommates at the college dorm and when they graduated, they decided together they should have their own apartments – near each other, of course. She tells him she's a journalist and even though she works in a newspaper, she really wants to write a book of her own. She's crazy about movies and her favorite are those from the 50s and 60s. She speaks French fluently, loves to read novels before going to bed and her favorite color is yellow, regardless the fact she doesn't have any yellow clothes. She also learns plenty about Finn, like the fact he moved to the city after getting a football scholarship to go to law school. And that after graduating, he returned to Chicago for a while since he was born there, but ended coming back to New York four months later. He has his own office and is the lawyer of a company too. He says he doesn't have a favorite color. _Such a boy_, she says. He's crazy about music, and apparently, he doesn't really care much for movies and she promises she'll change that.

"All is fair in love and war?" She asks, elbows on the table, hands crossed and pressed under her chin as she studies his facial expressions, barely blinking.

"Yes."

And later that night when he's about to put her inside of a cab – she claimed that it was too soon for him to find out where she lived – she opens her purse, grabs a pen and writes her phone number on his hand, giving him a lingering kiss on his cheek.

"I don't like to be kept waiting just as much as I don't like coffee." It's all she says before leaving.

He calls her 30 minutes after that, as soon as he gets home and showers. And when he realizes they stayed talking on the phone for almost an hour, he guesses this is a very good start.

**xx **

Finn figures that she wants to take things slow but that doesn't make him want to take her out for dinner any less. So he texts her on Wednesday, around 3pm, asking her if it is a bad time for him to call her, and when she allows him to, he gladly does. He goes right to the point because it's the middle of the day and she's probably working right now.

"Do you have any plans for tonight?"

She bites her bottom lip and swallows her smile because she was, indeed, not so secretly hoping they could go out again.

"Just the usual, Finn, I'll be making some tea and reading my novels."

"How about a little change of schedule? Maybe dinner, instead?"

His voice sounds so tough and yet so soft as she presses her phone a little harder against her ear, smiling to herself, hoping he's smiling too.

"Tempting."

"Tempting as in 'yes we can go out for dinner tempting' or 'I rather read my novels tempting'?"

"Tempting as in 'what time are you going to pick me up?'"

He does his little victory dance, asking if 8 o' clock is a good time for her and she says that it is and that she'll text him her address later.

"Great, I'll be there. And don't worry, I know you don't like to be kept waiting."

**xx **

The night was just as perfect as she thought it would be. From the very beginning of it, when Finn showed at her door with a bouquet of yellow peonies to the end of it, she couldn't stop thinking about how much of a man he seemed to be. They spent the whole time talking and flirting and getting to know each other more, and it felt so natural it kind of scared her a little bit. Eventually, the night came to an end, and Finn brought her back home, parking his car right in front of her building.

"I had a lovely night, Finn." She says quietly, leaning her head against the seat and turning her face to look at him. "I really, really did."

"I'm glad, Rach." He says taking her hand in his and rubbing on it with his thumb. "I really did, too."

"You know, I could invite you to come to my apartment with me," still holding his hand, she says slowly, as some sort of explanation, "but it's pretty late, and we have to work tomorrow and…"

"Hey, don't worry. It's fine, we can do that another time, whenever you want."

"You are way too nice."

"It's easy, when you're so nice as well."

She smiled at him, squeezing his hand softly and then letting go of it and unbuckling her seat belt. "I should go now. Thank you for the delightful evening, Finn."

Rachel leans to give Finn a kiss on his cheek, but she's taken by surprise when he puts his hands on the sides of her face and kisses her right on the mouth. She's been expecting that since this date begun, and she instantly misses his lips on hers when he pulls away.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done this. I know you want to take things slow, but you're_ so_ gorgeous, and I've been waiting for so long to-"

"Finn?"

"Yeah?"

"Stop apologizing and kiss me."

So he obeys, and he kisses her for another 15 minutes.

**xx **

They have sex at Finn's apartment, after their seventh date. It's not as rushed as the first time was, and it's definitely better. But the best part is that this time, she doesn't sneak out, and he gets to wake up next to her. They greet each other good morning, kissing lazily for a while as Finn whispers how glad he is that she didn't left.

"I have something for you." He says, after kissing her for a few more minutes and leaving her on his bed, Rachel immediately missing the warmth of his body.

She nods, putting herself up on her elbows, body wrapped in the white sheet, watching him as he opens his closet, picking one of his t-shirts in the top drawer.

Not any t-shirt, though. A yellow one.

**xx **

Madeline's nanny is sick, one of those really bad flues, and Santana needs someone to take care of her daughter for the whole Sunday. Rachel calls Finn in the morning to let him know she will spend the whole day at Santana's apartment watching her goddaughter, and that consequently, she can't stick to their lunch plans.

"What if the three of us have lunch together?"

"Finn, I don't think Santana wants me to leave the apartment with Madeline."

"What if I join you ladies for lunch?"

It's quite ridiculous because they've seen each other less than 40 hours ago, and she misses him like 'my heart's aching more than I'm willing to admit' I miss you. And so what if she's dying to spend a whole day with her - _boyfriend? _

Well, they haven't really talked about this, so she settles with Finn, _her Finn_.

"What if you spend the whole day?"

_Pause._

"I mean," she continues, "I know that babysitting might sound too girly but Madeline's such an angel –"

"I'd love to."

**xx **

Rachel was right. Madeline's an angel, indeed, but still, she is a baby and she tired them out. They got at Rachel's apartment around 8pm, and even though she offered to cook, Finn didn't let her go through with it because he knew how exhausted she truly was. While they were trying to choose which pizza they were going to order, Finn says something that made Rachel's heart stop.

"You were – um – thinking about children", she takes a deep breath, "our children, when we were taking care of Madeline?"

"Well, yes... I mean, we're so good with her, and I caught myself thinking about how it's going to be like when it's our turn." He replies, shaking his shoulders, almost innocently.

"_O-our_ turn?" Rachel says as she gets up from the couch, passing around the room.

Finn puts his phone on the coffee table, since clearly they are not going to order the pizza right this instant. "Baby, are you okay?"

"You're talking about children, Finn. Our children."

"Yes, we've established that."

Crossing her arms, she keeps staring at him with wide eyes, as if she almost can' believe this feels so natural for him. "So what, we've been dating for three months, and you're talking about children?"

"Can you tell me why you're sort of freaking out?" Finn says patiently, trying to figure out why his comment awoke this behavior in her.

Rachel turns around, putting her hands on her hips, and it's not like she's mad, because she really isn't, but she's frustrated because he's not getting her and because she hates feeling like this."Did you hear the words that just came out of your mouth? You were thinking about children, our children!"

"Rachel, please, it's not like you're pregnant or anything like that." He freaks out for a second. "Right?"

"Of course I'm not pregnant!"

"Then why are you overreacting?"

"I don't know, I just, I..." she says pressing her hand against her temple, trying to translate everything going inside of her to plausible words. "It's too much, too fast and I – I don't know how to process all of this."

"What's 'all of this' exactly?" He asks, because despite the fact he might be a little afraid of her answer, he has to know.

"You and me and _us_ and – and this whole falling for each other and getting into this too deeply, I can't avoid feeling that this might not work out, that this might not be real."

"And you're telling me this just because I told you I'm willing to have children with you sometime in the future? Isn't that what every girl wants to hear from their boyfriends?"

The word rolls off of his tongue too easily, and they both love the way it sounds. That's what he is, clearly, he's her _boyfriend_. And if this was a perfect would, she wouldn't be feeling so insecure about everything.

"_Finn..." _She says in this pleading tone, and she doesn't even know what she's pleading for.

"I just can't see what I'm doing wrong here." Finn says getting a little frustrated himself and throwing his hands in the air. "And I want you to enlighten me."

"You're not doing anything wrong, believe me," she looks at him, nodding, pressing the side of her body against the wall, as if she's looking for support, "but three months ago I was living on my own. I never thought about having children because I never thought someone you'd like to have them with me, and now you're here, and you're suddenly telling me that you want to have them with me. And I'm scared. I'm scared because it might not last. It might not be real. And this time, it mind actually break me to pieces."

"_This time?_ Rachel, what's going on?" Getting no answer from her, he walks closer to her, noticing the tears in the corner of her eyes and taking her hand in his delicately, saying her name again.

"Finn, can you leave?" She whispers, not letting go of his hand, not moving away from him, simply asking him to go.

"Rachel, I can't just leave. We should talk about this, whatever this is."

"I'm aware of that, and we will, but not tonight." Pressing her palms against his chest, she continues. "Please, Finn, I need to think about some stuff and I need to do it on my own."

He puts his hands on the top of hers. "There's nothing I can do about it, right?"

She shakes her head, giving him the biggest smile she's capable of giving him right now. "I'll call you tomorrow. I promise."

He kisses the line of her head and keeps his lips there for a minute as she wraps her arms around his waist, nuzzling her face on his torso. She presses a kiss on his heart right before she pulls away, and then she walks to the coffee table to grab his phone. "We can eat pizza some other time."

"It's fine." Finn takes his phone from her hand and puts it back in his pocket, while she opens the door. "Just promise me one more thing."

"What?"

"Don't push me away. Don't let whatever that has happened in your past come between us. I really do want you, all of you."

His words are so, so meaningful, she feels them through every little part of her body. She smiles again, smiles into the quick kiss she presses against his lips, but her eyes don't match her smile. "I'll call you tomorrow, ok? Stay safe."

"You too."

**xx**

He wanted to call her since he woke up. Listen to her voice, see if she was okay, ask her if she had a good night of sleep. He didn't, however, because she said she would call him, and that meant she would call him after she was done thinking. It turns out she did call him, and when she did, he left out this really long breathe he was holding in his lungs since, probably, the night before. She sounded better than she did the last time they spoke, but she didn't sound that good either and that frightened him a little. She invited him for dinner, saying she would cook one of her favorite dishes, asking him if he could bring a bottle of wine because she didn't have any.

"It's 7:30 a good time for you?"

"Of course, Rach, I'll be here."

He looked at his watch and it was a quarter past twelve, which meant, this was going to be a long afternoon.

**xx**

After they finish the dishes, Rachel takes their already filled glasses of wine in her hands, gesturing to Finn so he would bring the bottle, as they head towards the living room. "I think that now would be a good time for us to have that talk I was speaking of this morning."

Finn sits on the couch and Rachel chooses to sit on the coffee table right in front of him, Finn opening his legs a little and Rachel settling her closed knees between them. "You know you're not like forced to talk to me about it, if it's something that bothers you, right?"

She smiles warmly to him, nodding her head. "I know. And even though it does bother me, you told me last night that you want all of me."

"And I do." Finn answers her immediately, without even blinking. Like he's trying to assure her that no matter what it is that she's about to share with him, he'll be here through and through. "All of you, I want your everything."

Rachel leans and gives him a quick peck on his lips because… well, it's not like she needs a reason to. "This is a part of me, Finn, a very consistent part of me. So you, of all people, should know about it."

"I'm all ears."

The way she's looking down at her red ballerina slippers, the way she's taking these long breathes and almost desperately searching for the words and begging them to just roll off of her tongue. Finn knows her like she's a book that he read over and over again. He has the capacity of reading her now, and he feels in his stomach how hard this is for her.

"When I was fourteen, my father left me and my mom. And when I say 'left', I mean it. He literally just abandoned us. We woke up in a very cold Saturday morning and he wasn't there anymore. My mom opened their closet and everything he owned was gone. He didn't even write a note and he never contacted us again."

"Baby..."

"It was the most traumatic event of my life. It was like the ground had gone out from under me. I worshiped him and adored him and everything related to him. I was so mad at him for so long because what he did turned my mom and I into two complete insecure people. I swore to myself, several times, that I wouldn't fall in love, that I wouldn't let myself get attached to anyone. I lived in constant fear of being abandoned again for years and years - and a part of me still is frightened by that chance. This is why it's so difficult for me to open up, to allow myself to believe that just because he left me, it doesn't mean you will."

"But I won't leave you." He says, cutting her off, his hand pressed on her thigh – he tried to hold her hands on his, but she was constantly moving her hands while speaking, so he figured it would be better to stop trying that – squeezing the skin that was covered by her black dress.

"You can't promise me that." She replies just as quickly as he did before, with this voice that makes it evident for him that she's trying to swallow her crying, looking at him straight in the eyes. "You don't know that, Finn. Now you have feelings for me so of course, you claim you'll be by my side forever, but things happen. Life happens. And when you've gone through the things I have, you become realistic about things. You think straight, you tend to see things without idealizing or romanticizing them, you tend to see things as they naturally are."

Finn gets her and he understands where her fears are coming from. He secretly hates her father – fuck that, because he's not even worthy of being called that -, but he hates what this guy has done to her. Because the thing is, even without idealizing or romanticizing things, for him, Rachel is still there. He naturally wants her. He_ just_ wants her. And he does it so badly that it is impossible for him to even think about the possibility of letting her go.

"Rachel, I asked you to not push me away, okay? And I know I can't guarantee that we'll die together, but I do want to be with you, and -" he's pretty desperate and she can tell. Maybe the whole reading the other person like a book works both ways.

"I know you do, Finn, and I want to be with you too."

_Wait, what?_ He was so not waiting for that one right now.

_"_By the way, you should let me finish." She's smiling her beautiful smile right now – did he already mention that he thinks that she could cure anything with her smile? – and he thinks that maybe this is a good sign because she was on the edge of crying her eyes out a few seconds ago.

"Okay..."

"I am skeptical when it comes to getting attached to people. I have difficulties when it comes to opening up to certain people and holding onto them. I know I am realistic, maybe too realistic, sometimes. But I'm also a girl, Finn. A girl that is as romantic as any other girl is. So, I think I could be one realistic romantic girl, because that's kind of possible. Audrey Hepburn said so once."

They both share a good laugh because that's one of Rachel's favorite actresses, and Finn knows that because when they saw Breakfast at Tiffany's, a few weeks ago, Rachel kept telling him over and over again how much of a marvelous actress and person she was during her life.

"Well, from what I've heard from you, she was a wise woman."

"She was." Rachel says reaching her hands and putting them on the sides of his face. "But that's not the point."

He kisses the palm of her hands. "What is the point, then?"

"The point is that, even though I know we can't actually promise forever to each other, I want to give ourselves a go." And then she slides her hands down to his torso until they're on his legs. "Because a minute spent with you is better than a lifetime without you."

Finn wraps his hands on her wrists, rubbing circles on the soft skin of her hands with his thumbs."You mean that?"

"I do."

And she gives him this sweet and tender and somehow _thankful_ smile, standing up just to sit back down, however straddling his hips this time. "But what if we tried to work on that lifetime thing?" Finn asks while running his hands in her long and dark hair. "Because I might wanna be with you for a very, very long time..."

"Is that so?"

"Well, that is, if you took me, of course. If you took me, I'd gladly stay..."

Rachel wraps her arms on his neck, covering his lips with hers. The kiss is soft and lazy at the beginning, but as their tongues chase one another and they savor each other's tastes, the kiss escalates quickly into something more urgent and needy. Finn's arousal makes itself known in basically no time, and Rachel's feeling the ache between her legs increase as well, so she presses their bodies closer together, rubbing herself on him. The kiss doesn't stop until they're practically out of breath.

"Oh, I will. You're pretty much stuck with me, you know…" she whispers against his mouth, playing with the buttons of his shirt.

"Nowhere I'd rather be."

And the way he's looking at her when he says that… Rachel's pretty certain that what she's feeling right now is what people talk about in novels and movies. That feeling of something tickling inside of every single one of your cells. That feeling that makes you feel butterflies in your stomach, that makes your knees go week or makes you want to sing songs you have never heard before. And while they hold this strong and unbreakable gaze, there are so many unspoken words hanging between them and yet, they are telling each other everything.

"Finn?"

"Yeah?"

"Take me to my bedroom."

She giggles easily when he stands up, taking her with him, his hands grabbing the back of her thighs underneath her dress."Mrs. Berry, you're trying to seduce me, aren't you?"

"Are you quoting 'The Graduate'?"

"Maybe I am."

"I knew I could make you fall in love with my favorite movies."

"So, are you trying to seduce me?"

Wrapping her legs tightly around his hips, she starts unbuttoning his shirt. "Maybe I am." She moans a little when his large hands squeeze her butt, leaning her head to kiss him. "Can I just say I'm relieved you didn't say 'Mrs. Robinson'?"

Finn laughs loudly, leaning his head back and kicking the door of her bedroom shut as Rachel presses a quick kiss on his Adam's apple. "Why would I? Besides, you're way more beautiful than that actress."

"Am I? Well, I have to confess I'd probably have a hard time choosing between you and Dustin Hoffman..." She says playfully at him while he lays her body carefully on the bed, instantly hovering her with his own.

_"Really?"_

So she kisses the tip of his nose as some consolation prize. "Nah, not really, I just wanted to see you pout."

And then he's looking at her like _that_ again, like she holds his whole life in her tiny hands or like she's the most beautiful work of art he has ever seen. Which's curious, to say the least, because she's always felt like a regular woman, but Finn makes her want to believe that she actually is this insanely beautiful work of art. "What?"

"I love your eyes." He says kissing her closed eyelids, lingering his lips on her skin of a few seconds. "They are so big and deep and they tell me so much about you when your own voice doesn't." He kisses the line from her eyes to her lips before giving her a very much passionate kiss, tasting the wine and her usual Rachel taste on her tongue. "I love your lips and how they just fit mine perfectly."

He keeps pressing soft kisses on the skin of her neck, as his hands work on the side zipper of her dress. When he's done with that, he takes the dress off of her body delicately, running his large hands through every single inch of her skin. "I love your skin and how it feels soft under my fingertips every single time I touch you." He whispers against the skin of her collarbone, while his hands squeeze gently her bra covered breasts. He traces a line with his warm tongue from the valley of her breasts until her bellybutton, biting the area just enough to turn her on even more. Then, he kisses her hipbones as his both hands travel to her back in order to unclasp her bra. "I love this particular spot on your left thigh because when I kiss it, right here on this freckle, you moan just like this." And she keeps moaning his name because she's so, _so_ wet and she just needs him to make her whole, now. He puts her legs on his shoulders and when he breathes in her scent he can't help but groan because, fuck, he needs her too. Finn continues to kiss down one of her legs, and caress the other one with his hands, slowing taking off her lacy panties. "I love your tiny feet, even though they're always cold." He massages her feet for a while, before kissing them both and returning to his original spot on top of her. Rachel opening her legs for him as far as they'll go, his pants getting wet in contact with her hot center. "I love how strong you are. I love how much you care about people. I love how you turn everything that happens to you, even the crappy things, into something you can learn from. I love that you didn't give up on us. I love that you're willing to let me love you. Because it's all I do. I love you."

Finn doesn't give her the time to say anything as he crashes her lips with his in a breathtaking and searing kiss. Rachel immediately runs her fingers all over the skin of his abdomen, getting rid of his shirt within seconds. She starts to rub herself on him again, the friction making them moan loudly in the kiss they're still sharing. Rachel reaches down and unzips his pants, putting her hands inside of his white boxers and stroking his already hard shaft, loving the way he easily whispers her name. She brings his pants and boxers down to his knees with her feet, and Finn kisses the apples of her cheeks tenderly.

"Make love to me, Finn."

Finn looks at her one more time, smiles and then gets up, removing his pants and boxers completely, and his shoes and socks. He lays on top of her just as carefully as he did before and kisses her again, trying to emphasize his previous words with the kiss. But when she breaks the kiss, Finn notices something in her face that wasn't there before.

"Are you okay? You seem - nervous?" He asks, because maybe she isn't, and he doesn't want to like force her or scary her or anything like that.

"I've done this before." She whispers, and he guesses she's just trying to elaborate and absorb things. "We've done this before. Sex, I mean, we had sex before. But this feels, somehow, different. It is different, because you told me you love me and now –"

"Now I am going to love you." Finn says, taking her hand in his, lacing their fingers together and holding her hand in his right above her head on the mattress. "This is real, Rachel, I told you, I want all of you."

"You have me. All of me." Rachel breathes against his mouth, and her eyes are shining particularly bright right now, and he doesn't have a clue of how he lived 25 years without these eyes guiding him. "Take me."

Finn makes a move to try and get a condom in her nightstand, but she says that tonight is special and that she wants nothing between them. Besides, she's on pill so it's not like this should be an issue. He pushes himself inside and feels nothing but her, all of her, and clearly their sex life has always been beyond great, but this reaches a whole new level. Being surrounded only by her, feeling her stretch herself to involve him, throbbing and clenching around him.

He sucks on the skin of her cleavage, kissing her left boob as one of his hands massages her right one. Finn licks her nipple with the tip of his tongue and then takes it in his mouth until it's hard, while he rolls her other nipple between his fingers. "Fuck, baby, you feel amazing." He whispers against her breast, his hot breathe getting in contact with the wet skin, making her shiver.

"Oh God, Finn, yes. Don't stop, baby, please don't stop."

"I won't, I promise."

And as Finn slides inside of her and pulls himself out just to slide in again and keeps torturing them in the most enjoyable and pleasant way with his movements, Rachel swears she sees stars behind her closed eyelids. But besides the stars, there's a whole life built with this man. A house with a huge backyard, a dog, a parrot and children running everywhere. A whole world of love and dreams coming true. A world she can't wait to conquer.

"Rachel, baby, look at me." Finn whispers against her mouth, squeezing their hands together and going as far inside of her as their bodies will allow. "Open your eyes and look at me."

And as she obeys and he drinks her beautiful face in, she begs him to go deeper and faster and he feels like he's too deep inside of her in so many different ways and she feels that too and _don't stop, baby, make me come, Finn, I need you, please._ So he does, he goes deeper and faster and he slides one of his hands to where their bodies are becoming one, rubbing circles with his thumb on her clit and within seconds she's falling apart underneath him and he follows her immediately, because the woman he loves is asking him to _come with me._

He's still hovering her with his body and she doesn't seem to mind. He tried to move out of fear of possibly crushing her tiny and delicate body, but she held him in place. Rachel keeps tracing random patterns on his back with her fingertips as Finn peppers the soft skin of her cleavage with tender kisses. It's quite silent despite their loud breaths and the New York traffic.

"I do love you, you know." Finn whispers in a barely audible voice against her skin before putting himself up on his elbows and staring at her. Her bangs are messy, her hair is spread on the pillow, her face is flushed and kind of sweaty and she never looked more beautiful to him.

Running her hands all over his back and then sliding them to the sides of his face, she gives him a quick kiss on the lips. "Say that again, it keeps me awake."

"I love you, I love you, I love you." He says as he keeps kissing every inch of skin of her face.

"And I love you."

Finn looks up and sees Rachel smiling at him like he's hung up the moon or something and he knows that nothing will ever top this feeling. It's like he can't believe that she's actually saying those words to him, and Rachel seems to notice.

"You look incredibly surprised…"

Finn kisses the tip of her nose and intertwines their hands together again. "It's just awesome hearing you say it."

Feeling bold and ready to start another round of lovemaking, Rachel rolls their bodies so she's lying on top of him, his hands falling right away to her hips when she starts kissing his chest lazily. "Oh, I could say it for hours and hours."

"Don't let me stop you, babe."

**xx**

It's Saturday night and they are lying on the couch with their legs tangled, watching what would be the third movie that day. Finn ordered Chinese takeout for dinner and they've been there for hours now, too exhausted to even move. It's been a tough week for both, so they're just glad they get to relax together and enjoy each other's company.

"What?" Rachel asks feeling self conscious about the fact that Finn's been staring at her for the past minute, without turning her face to look at him.

She knows that he's smiling his typical one-sided smile, even though she's not quite seeing his face. "Nothing, you're just beautiful. Almost too beautiful. It's hard for me to pay attention on something besides you."

Turning to look at him and meeting his gaze and his lovesick face and his lovesick smile and his lovesick everything, Rachel knows, deep down in her heart and soul, that she couldn't love him more. She leans her body closer to his, pressing her hands on his chest and a giving him a lingering kiss on his chin. "You make it so easy for me to love you."

"What can I say? I'm really lovable."

"Don't push your luck or else you'll sleep on the couch."

"We're at my place, babe."

"What did I just say, Finn?"

**xx **

They become awfully domestic. Domestic to the point where Finn buys her tampons and Rachel washes his underwear and socks. And it feels good, to be in that place of a relationship. It feels like she's finally letting herself live what she always tried to convince herself she didn't need to live, what she always, deep down, dreamed of living.

xx

"Finn?"

"Hey, baby, go back to sleep. It's just me."

Turning around, Rachel slowly opens her eyes and sees him. "You're my Finn, you're never just you." He presses his lips on the tip of her nose and takes her messy bangs away from her eyes with his fingers. "Is everything okay? What time is it?"

"Almost 2 in the morning. You still have plenty of hours to sleep."

"How was your flight?" She asks, wrapping her arms around his torso and getting as closer to him as possible, pressing her cold feet in his sock covered ones.

"Boring, I missed you."He mumbles on her neck, smiling against her skin.

"You're sweet."

"And you're cute."

She presses a lingering kiss on his lips, whispering hat she misses him too. "Are you hungry? Do you want me to-"

"Baby, no, I just want to sleep. Don't move, you're comfy." He closes his eyes, smiling at the sound of her laugh, feeling her hand tracing the lines of his face.

"I love you."

Finn opens his eyes, holding her tightly against his body. "I love you."

**xx **

It's Friday, past three in the morning and it's snowing outside. They've been talking and making love and laughing and eating and making love and laughing and doing all of these things, all over again, since they got home from dinner.

"We just keep getting better and better." Finn's breath blowing at the skin of Rachel's naked chest as he keeps listening to her fast heartbeat, her fingertips drawing randomly all over his back.

"Well, practice supposedly leads to perfect."

"I know. But I don't mean just that, baby." He says, holding his head up and looking at her. "I'm so much better now that I've got you with me, my whole life seems to just flow in a way it never did."

She wraps her legs around his torso, caressing his jaw line with her hand. "How are you real?"

"I just got you off four times and I'm willing to do it again, baby, so you tell me."

"I love you."

"And I love you." Because he really, really does, and while he observes her perfect figure lying on his bed, he doesn't understand how he lived for so long without her. "Baby?"

"Yes?" Rachel whispers, eyes still closed, chest raising and falling according to her breathing.

"Do you want to move in with me?" His words make her eyes open right away. "Because like half of my stuff is at your place and half of your stuff is at mine."

She puts on a thinking face, running her hands up and down his arms. "That's all you're going to say to try and convince me?"

"I was hoping I didn't need to convince you."

"You don't, but it would be nice to see you work for it."

Finn puts himself up on one of his elbows, his other arm on her stomach, his fingers rubbing on her skin. "I want you to move in with me because we're ready. I want you to be my first sight every single morning and my last sight every single night. I want us to move in together because I once said that I want you, all of you, and that's me keeping my word."

"You saved me, you know that? You saved me and you made me believe in love, in you, in us. You made it possible for me to consider myself worthy of being loved, and I'll always love you for that."

His smile's bigger than his own face as he leans down to press his lips against hers. "Is that a yes?"

"Yes, we are moving in together and you'll never get rid of me." She whispers between soft kisses, wrapping her arms around his neck and feeling his heartbeat matching hers.

"You know," he starts, running his thumb against her lips as she kisses it, "loving you was the best thing that's ever happened to me."

She takes his hand on hers and squeezes it, intertwining their fingers and putting them on her chest, right above her heart. "You are the best thing that's ever happened to me."

And she's never been more certain of anything.

**xx **

_I seem to have loved you in numberless forms, numberless times… in life after life, in age after age, forever. _(Unending Love by Rabindranath Tagore).

**xx**

**AN**: So, what did you guys think? Thank you for reading it. Reviews are love, xx.


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